After reading this verse, the lyrics from my favorite song at the time jumped out and slapped me in the face.
Two evils have my people done: they have forsaken me, the source of living waters; They have dug for themselves cisterns, broken cisterns, that hold no water. Jeremiah 2:13 (NAB)
"The pail has leaks and even if
you put all your water into it
you end up with nothing left to drink
the well has gone dry and I with it"
-The Dear Hunter, "His Hands Matched His Tongue"
Every time I hear this song those words from Jeremiah grip me and give me a little shake. When I make and follow my own plans it's as if I've built a leaking cistern. I pour all of my energies, my heart and soul into something which does not have the ability to satisfy me and which might not even work out. It seems as though my leaking cistern was my plan to become a librarian. I got the right degree. I worked in a library, getting experience even in areas outside my comfort zone. I kept applying for jobs and being rejected. I encountered one closed door after another. I found myself one night sitting on a bench in the prayer garden of St. Louis Catholic Church crying and asking the God who I was only just then being acquainted with, why I was such a failure and why I seemed incapable of moving forward and why He created such a worthless being. I had to eventually admit that my plans were dry and cracking things, better to abandon than to patch again and again.
When I quit the library shortly before having my baby, another Dear Hunter song seemed to perfectly express my position.
"Amongst the stone and smokeRising above it all
Broken, but not beyond repairSee how this soul fairsFrom after all this sufferingI could lie here for goodBut with a mind on fireI try and stand my ground
Illuminate and I will followYou"
-The Dear Hunter, "Saved"