I don't feel as though I have the ability to clearly express what I want to say, but here's a sampling.
This Scripture floated to the forefront of my mind today as I prayed the Joyful Mysteries of the rosary. I am 37 weeks pregnant and patiently awaiting the arrival of the baby. I'm looking forward to holding her in my arms but also a little fearful of labor, and newborn exhaustion, and how Lillian's schedule will change, and whether or not my husband will hate me when we start practicing NFP again. I find it all too easy to get wrapped into the fear. I start micromanaging situations trying to be in control. God always reminds me, "surrender."
Take labor, for instance. I said the first time that the hardest part of labor actually was not knowing how long it would last. The mystery here is not something I can change by force of will. My only option is surrendering to the process, embracing the suffering and beauty that it offers in each little moment as it presents itself and trusting that things will unfurl in God's good time. I hope I can keep my mind focused on the present as I labor with Baby Cara Elizabeth Jane.
I have been reading a book called Mindful Birthing which has helped me see some of this. There is nothing explicitly Christian in this book, but it really speaks to embracing the sensations in the moment and letting the natural process proceed without fear. I can't read something like that without reflecting on the way I should abandon myself to Divine Providence at every moment of my life, even when things don't go according to my idea of perfection. He has made everything beautiful in its time! Alleluia!
I enjoyed reading these two blog posts today: