Lent Plans

Maybe it's strange, but I'm actually looking forward to Lent this year. Last year I started out strong. I decided that my sacrifice would be to pray for others more than I pray for myself. It was a really good goal. Things went pretty well with it until I had my baby 10 days in and my prayer life devolved to, "God, please make this baby go to sleep help this baby get the rest she needs," and, "God, please make this baby stop crying," and "God, please make nursing not hurt any more." All prayer came from the trenches of survival-mode. I didn't have to observe the fasts because I was nursing. I couldn't even get things synchronized enough to go to Mass for the majority of Lent.

Lent in 2012 was a prayerful, happy time because I knew that at the end of the season I would be baptized and received into the Church. Still, I missed out on a lot. I didn't go to church on Ash Wednesday and receive ashes because I wasn't sure if it was only for baptized Catholics or not. During Holy Week I attended Mass, but I didn't come forward to kiss the crucifix because it felt strange to do so without being a baptized Catholic. I was living in that divine sense of "almost" and not able to really participate. The intensity of knees hitting the kneelers and hands clasped, knuckles white stemmed from the joyful anticipation that I would soon be able to receive the best gift of all.

My plan of action this year is to go on a personal spending freeze. That is, buy nothing for myself for the forty days and donate my "fun money" to charity. It looks a little feeble when I write it out. Maybe as a special treat I will go to Mass childless at the church in which I was baptized during holy week and Easter. Ah, dreams.

Several days ago I ordered some leather sandals from Israel. They fit my "strappy brown sandals" category on my minimalist wardrobe list. I didn't intentionally look for "Jesus shoes", but when searching for strappy brown sandals on Amazon these were actually the type that I liked (and could afford, btw). Maybe during Lent I will wear only these shoes as a penance reminder!