Yesterday after seeing this print called Polish Madonna it hit me that something is off-kilter in my life. After I receive communion at Mass I usually pray a prayer in the book Catholic Book of Prayers that I carry in my purse:
From the depths of my heart, I thank You, dear Lord, for Your infinite kindness in coming to me. How good You are to me! With your most holy Mother and all the angels, I praise your mercy and generosity toward me, a poor sinner. I thank you for nourishing my soul with Your Sacred Body and Precious Blood. I will try to show my gratitude to You, in the sacrament of Your love, by obedience to your holy commandments, by fidelity to my duties, by kindness to my neighbor and by an earnest endeavor to become like You in my daily conduct.I was reminded by all the ways that I am not doing what I say that I will do. How many things fill up my day which are not in alignment with the above statement? One thing I love about being Catholic is how gesture/action is nearly as important as belief. Scripture tells us in Matthew 7:21 that
Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven.I realize that there probably are other ways to read that verse, but the way I see it right at this moment is that it's dishonest to profess with my lips that I love Jesus, that I aspire above all to be like him, to be a saint, and not live this profession with my actions. I must live this belief. By doing those things highlighted in the above prayer. There are a lot of things in my daily life that receive so much of my time that are out of alignment with the belief that I hold so dear. These things just eat away the day to the extent that sometimes the fidelity to my duties in my vocation as wife and mother suffer. This whole week my house has been a mess. The baby has not been bathed as much as she needed. I have prayed the rosary only once and read only a tiny bit of scripture. I've hardly spent any time in prayer. The laundry has been undone. The animals have not been attended to. Meals have been left uncooked. I have not spent time thinking about others the way that I should, only in the dysfunctional way which leaves the focus on me: "why can't I be like her? Why can't I have what she has?"
I have lived without integrity or simplicity. This week I want to focus especially on living my life as if I was in the cloister. Simply working, caring and praying. An authentic life.
Those things that suck up my time and do not particularly contribute to living my faith will have to fall to the wayside, cannot be the objects of my focus: Candy Crush, Facebook, Draw Something 2, television, Netflix. I want my time to honestly proclaim what is most important to me.
- My soul magnifies the Lord,
- and my spirit rejoices in God, my Savior;
- For He has regarded
- the lowliness of His handmaiden.
- For behold, from this day
- all generations will call me blessed.
- For the Mighty One has done great things to me,
- and holy is His name;
- And His mercy is on those who fear Him
- from generation to generation.
- He has shown strength with his arm;
- He has scattered the proud in the imagination of their hearts.
- He has cast down the mighty from their thrones
- and has exalted the lowly.
- He has filled the hungry with good things,
- and the rich He has sent empty away.
- He has helped his servant Israel in remembrance of his mercy
- as He spoke to our fathers, to Abraham and to his seed forever.