I've never been a Glorious Mysteries kind of gal for some reason, as if there are no lessons to learn in the midst of great joy. Today I was thinking about trust in God's providence as I prayed, the way that humility should take the form of accepting the gifts of God without arguing that you are unworthy to accept them. I thought about Mary's body assumed into Heaven, perfectly accepting God's will that she would be treated in such a special, gentle way. The way she accepted the crown in Heaven, trusted as the mediatrix of all graces and Queen of Heaven. If it was me I'd be saying, "isn't there someone else more qualified for this? Little old me is just going to hide in those bushes over there, if you don't mind...."
I do that all the time. Yesterday I received an e-mail from Edel Gathering prompting all of us ladies who will attend to create a short little bio about ourselves. The example bios included in the e-mail were sweet, funny and above all, witty. My first thought was, "What have I gotten myself into? Why did I sign up for this? I am not that interesting, they're going to know I'm not a real person..." Like, what does that even mean? Not a real person? That is not how I should be thinking about a daughter of the King.
It occurred to me that what was making me uncomfortable was that I still reflexively count my worth by what I do, instead of who I am. And at the moment I don't feel as though I'm doing a whole awful lot. My days consist of cleaning up poop, trying to cook while someone is screaming and hanging on my leg, reading Pooh's Best Day 60 times. It's not a glamorous life, but it occurred to me this morning that it would be a whole lot better if I would accept the grace that God offers me in this vocation instead of constantly trying to discern whether He wants me doing something else. That includes trust that if something needs to change, He will lead me there. If He wants me to do something that I think is too great, trust that He will give me the grace to do it instead of falling into anxiety and counting myself unworthy.
My life is a little life at the moment, full of opportunities to do little things with great love. What a blessing!